The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 7, Episode 5 wraps the San Francisco trip with Bronwyn Newport’s disco reunion party, and I’m giving it a nine. We went live on YouTube, Twitch, X, Facebook and Instagram for this one, and the song saved the episode. Lisa Barlow and Meredith Marks debuted their diss track, Hypocrisy and Bull, in the middle of Bronwyn’s party, got kicked out, then came back for one more time with the whole bar singing along. Whitney Rose told Heather Gay her marriage is in trouble, Angie Katsanevas got seasick again, and Bronwyn’s boyfriend, Brandon Good, finally met the rest of the girls. Let’s get into it.
Why Would You Automatically Assume the Song Was About You?
Lisa and Meredith had been rehearsing this in Lisa’s room for days. Lisa says her voice is more like Beyoncé, and Beyoncé should be drafting a cease and desist. They met by the DJ booth, launched into hypocrisy, betrayal, manipulation and I’m bored, then handed out caviar bumps, which I find unsanitary. Bronwyn sat in the corner devastated, told them to get away from her group, and when they wouldn’t leave, she got up and left them. Then she told everybody the song obviously wasn’t about her, it was about Britani. Meredith says it was about the group. So it was about Bronwyn too, because she’s in the group. But why would you automatically assume it’s about you? Then they got kicked out, came back outside the party, and got the whole bar singing it. That’s what made it iconic. I don’t think Bronwyn was upset because it was about her. I think she was upset because everybody was singing it and it pulled the attention off her party. She told Brandon to grab her bag and left. I agree with Lisa. The party was boring. And Meredith, I know you watch. Let me get on the remix.
“It felt like a hit dog just hollered.”
I Already Told You This Is Not a Real Relationship
If you came to my live show, you already heard the tea from sources close to the situation. Allegedly, Brandon was not happy during the season and wanted more screen time, which I believe is why he showed up to Mary Cosby’s son’s homegoing and now a girls trip. I think they were using each other. She gets the hot new boyfriend storyline, and he gets a platform, because most male models don’t make a ton of money. This week Bronwyn told on herself, running through what she bought after the split and landing on, I bought myself Brandon. Production zoomed straight in on him mid-reaction, and when Lisa complimented his cheekbones, he said, so do you. He’s not giving interested in her. He’s giving fan of the show. What I didn’t love was Heather floating that he might be a sex worker. Meredith called that nasty, and I agree. The real question is who’s paying for the trip, the glam and the boyfriend, because it’s not a Bravo check. I believe it’s Todd Bradley, and allegedly she has something on him. Why else fund this while she trashes him on TV? And don’t be surprised if Brandon dates Britani next season. You’re welcome.
Nobody Was Looking Up to Whitney and Justin’s Marriage
Last week Angie took her marriage troubles to Heather. This week Whitney did, on the same trip, about her husband Justin Rose. It’s giving plotted before the season. She said she and Justin haven’t been intimate in a while, that she shaved her head in the Bay Area back in 2011 as a big FU while he traveled for work, and that this is the second time she’s considered divorce. Back then I shaved my head, she joked, this year I got drunk on stage. Heather says if they can’t make it, there’s no hope for the rest of us. My chat said absolutely not. Didn’t they leave their first marriages to get together? Whitney says Justin basically raised her, and that doesn’t land the same when we did the math and she was 23 when they married. Then her Mormon programming says he’s her eternal partner. Girl, wouldn’t your first husband technically be your eternal partner? Now she’s filed for divorce, and Heather’s reaction on Watch What Happens Live was odd to me. Here’s the thing. I blame Beverly Hills for this era of women planning storylines together. I’m not saying the marriage troubles aren’t real. They’re just conveniently timed.
Did God Give It to You Last Year?
On the boat, Angie said Lisa is overfilling her top lip, Lisa said God gave her a larger lip genetically, and Angie, a Scorpio, asked if God gave it to her last year. Heather compared them to vulvas. Lisa’s answer in her confessional was that she doesn’t think twice about what God didn’t give Angie. I don’t think Lisa’s lips look bad, and my chat says MAC is already in her comments about a collab. It’s giving very Kandi Burruss. Then Angie got sick over the side of the boat again and ended up in bed calling housekeeping for ginger ale, while nurse Lisa refused to gatekeep her remedies. Lisa also insisted Bronwyn called them schemers, and production had to tell her it was Britani. Bronwyn’s stories are catching up with her too. She told the group they were going to her favorite disco bar, then admitted in her confessional she’d only just found out it existed. Next week Mary Cosby is back, upset about flowers she believes Britani took, and Angie says she believes Britani visits nursing homes to get into people’s wills. Angie isn’t saying that’s a fact. How would you rate this one, and is Brandon in it for Bronwyn or the cameras? Let me know. Here we go.
Disclaimer: This post is based on publicly available information and credited sources. All allegations are unproven
